I am feeling scared and alone,my past haunts me wherever I go.Panicked with fear of the unknown.Always never to know as to why I'm tormented so.I just have to shut my trap and my problems will be only known to me,cause  truth is no one gives a shit no matter what been done .Its my fault I feel unwanted and helpless.Now I have lost all hope in ever feeling connected to anyone who thought I was worth their time and affection.I should have killed myself long ago.Now I can see I really blew it.It would've been grand in the master plan I call life.It is but a game played by those fit enough to survive the heartache and not feel for justification they make-up lets them feel no remorse for me ever.

the deception

warmth ,comfort,belonging absence from the looking glass reflecting images of the truth that is my true self. to see inside i see that the truth tells many and also shows it wants you to believe.sinking in the shadows of loneliness the lie is the belief in that my heart hides.i ache knowing that i cant forget the truth denies validity in its intentions.it has pierced my soul,that weeps alone .the truth is cunning and convince your reality is not by making it impossible to feel real cause it wants to nullify hidden secrets that are clearly visible making you feel as if   your looked at as an object to be itself in lies intertwined with loving eyes.

I am alone,and that pleases the untruth,when I feel free to enlighten my spirit im punished with acts of  resentment in which they use humiliation and display anything that they can to degrade me leaving me isolated from all .Soon no one will talk to me I am alone

You say the ocean reflects the moon.The biggest grin facsimiles pretend to gain pleasant fronts of dismay.The belief the love awaits the horizons unwilling.My heart abodes to the direction of alone.This is the way played out in the path of the destruction's of crumbled souls.Yow are the winner of the prestige to carry the heart of cold.Held within the restraints of my passing ,is the release of the endless enduring of my suffering brought by the ruining of demise.I may just stay quiet before that time and wish not to speak of the pain that i carry in the depths of the falsehood of loves sought it will be sabotaged in the awaking.

unlovable

                 No matter how I behave they will see it as unusual or obscure.I don't have friends only talk to my mom and brother .My brother thinks im crazy because I don't act how ,what way should I behave that will win the approval of the hearts of the ones I love.Not to be loved would that suffice the judgments .Scrutinized under the spotlight.I cant even walk without that being made into a strange occurrence.I don't know as to why I must endure hardships ,but I know nothing of finding peace and happiness in the lunacy of others rage.

Summer Romance

                                     It;s always exciting when it;s shiny and new.Soon loosing its luster,I become rather now than later.Thought of as boring and mundane,your heart soon wanes towards another,fickle feral.Lost the closeness of hearts they will peril,doomed to fade.

I am in love with pain

                  I looked down upon the shimmering moonlight and saw the shining sun.I rise to view the dimming of day.I awoke to the sounds of hues in shades of grey.The darkness casting shadows of enlightenment at the dawning of days.I know what I am.I wish for the starlight to sprinkle radiance on the depths of my soul. Shimmer fractions of fragmented passion and catch the last glimmer of hope twinkling in my eye.I have no love as great as beyond the break of day.I cling adhering to emptiness seeking in my world of solace. The loudness of my kindled desire,bellows out beyond the misty green lines of never ending seas.It was felt more than I thought .To submissively relinquish trust in romance, for the pleasure seekers of mans desired wants.I know now love is  something i will never feel .I'm chilled from within by a shield of bitterness
.Numbing my satisfactions into vast frozen emotion.It is of no   importance that 
I pathetically implored you to the part of me unexplored sensuality

. I steadfastly adhered to the affectionate adornment you lent out.I  see with an outlook of misunderstandings that I took it to seriously.Addictions that ruin and deteriorate the most devoted intentions of a loyal heart .I feel the afflictions of the egos need to have ownership in
free spirit.To be used up and discarded aside for I am not the girl who is ever kept with the heart but the burning lust within the inner fantasies of a mans mind.Fulfilling his wants but mine never will let go of the fear of atonement. Always be it may that the profitable gender should waver and become more than a stranger it is just another way to make me let go of my rational thoughts.I can not feel the emotions even if genuine for its a fools gold rush.Thought to be all its worth.I'm displeased but content in being .So it is mine no matter how much cannot have .this is.It is all that I have become am and is all I have left. Surely it is more than just a minds endeavors of self gratification. Grab and ripping at the seams of my tattered heart. Killing my aspirations and trust.I walk alone and always will .Never found a crown befitting in the pride of its glory.